Bronkwurst: The Horse Whisperer. Excerpts from his Memoirs

Page 4: Chapter One of The Horse Whisperer.

“I’ve not particularly been fond of horses, I found them to be a simple subject, as they usually stand round doing nothing. Unless they are saddled up with a jockey on their back, I regard them as one of the most laziest f**kers on the planet. In fact, I despise the four-legged s**ts.

Page 16: Chapter One of The Horse Whisperer_ . _

_“I was part of that pretentious arts community, of course, being the Royal Arts Academy, there were many groups to mingle with and get inspiration through and on the art side it was experimental and very hippy back in my day. The benefits of this interaction I found more insightful were activities we would all get up to when not studying in class. You know the girls in the class would want to get a bit frisk and being a full-blooded male I was not one to turn down the chance of bedding two or three women at once. _

I remember one time, her name escapes me know, but she was very much into this strange fetish of whipping. Now, I blame the insane amount of weed we’d been smoking but I did found it rather arousing when she climbed on my back and told me to “giddy-up”, kicking at my sides, yes, I found it to be rather a joyous occasion. She later died of a drugs overdose, too much acid and drink apparently.”

Page 26: Chapter Two of The Horse Whisperer.

“The first cheque I got for my work was surprising, it was exactly £100, it was commission work for some owner that had 5 horses on her family farm. she wanted me to create an album of work. I took 20 photos and developed them myself.”

Page 31: Chapter Two of The Horse Whisperer.

“no, I only would do it from behind, but sneaking up on horses was an issue at first, figuring that if I dressed as one, they would be more comfortable. The sight of a 6-foot horse walking on two legs startled them, more so when holding an umbrella when it rained.”

Page 55: Chapter Three of The Horse Whisperer.

“I may have said in no uncertain terms that the queen mother can go f** herself and I was escorted off the premises.”

Page 81: Chapter Three of The Horse Whisperer.

_“My vices have always been women, whisky and betting, and these kept me going through my divorce to Hatty, you see it was her sister is was seeing, she worked at the local casino as one of those girls that served you drinks and it started from there. If I didn’t win at the blackjack tables in the casino I’d be winning in the bedroom, if you get me. Yes, good times those days, not so much for Hatty, of course, given her cancer scare 2 months before all this happened.” _

Page 165: Chapter Four of The Horse Whisperer.

“I asked for no pickles, yet the b*stard proceeded to lay pickles down, so I grabbed my gun.”

Page 200: Chapter Five of The Horse Whisperer.

“Yes, the Eighties were odd, horses where no longer in fashion and once someone sees a horse, they reckon they’ve seen them all, so I started to get more inventive with my pictures and did a set of photos of horses wearing wigs and adding an element of oddity to it. They never solid mine you.”

Page 3444: Chapter Eighteen of The Horse Whisperer.

_“Today I am in talks with a publisher to do a collection of my work and we are trying to come up with a title. We’ve been arguing over it for the past 2-hours. I’m now sat here waiting for a phone call back. _

_So far, the titles suggested have been: _

_1. Horses – which is think is as creative as a piece of s**t being help up in the wind. _

_2. Views from a Field – this nearly made me p*ss my pants. _

_3. The Mane Focus – Which is one I don’t particularly mind. _

_ _

My suggestions were to call the book either Why the Long Face you F**ker? Or Horses on Film which is the titles waiting to get clearance whilst I wait for the call back.

Page 8223: Chapter Thirty of The Horse Whisperer.

“it trotted along the coastline so elegantly, majestically and confident, just as the sun was slowly edging towards the water in the distance. It was looking perfect; they call this the magic-hour and you can see why. The orange sun was vibrant the sky a wash of blues and purples, not a single cloud and this was going to be my most defining picture and it would have been if it not have died on the b*stard beach, whilst I was setting up.”